South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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