we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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