I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize