So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize