and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Mom said you looked used
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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