I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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