Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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