i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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