my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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