mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize