you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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