the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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