and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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