You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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