Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize