paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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