dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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