and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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