the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize