You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We named our party play list daddy issues
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to cum in my sink.
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