i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize