I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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