I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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