She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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