dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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