Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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