My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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