Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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