so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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