life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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