The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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