BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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