woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize