I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize