party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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