How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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