then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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