Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
...so i touched it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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