watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize