I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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