Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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