you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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