i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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