I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
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Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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