We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize