did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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