god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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