he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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