im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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