dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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